waiting, waiting, waiting

I can’t be the only one to have this feeling of waiting. Hanging on in anticipation for a catalyst for life as you’re meant to be living it. Going to school, university, work - it doesn’t mean anything. It won’t have any real impact or influence - it’s all just what I’m doing in the meantime, before I… well, I don’t know. Whatever it is I’m waiting for.

And then there’s the fear that I shouldn’t be waiting at all. Maybe I’m missing all the incentives because I’m stuck in the ignorant rut whereby I believe everything will, eventually, be handed to me on a plate. Am I being too lazy, missing all of my chances?

I can even sense it with my parents: going to work day after day, following the old routine - they’re just filling up the gaps until they finally find the momentum to do what they want to do. Because, who would choose an entirely average life? The old 9-5, two car garage, semi-detached can’t be anyone’s goal.

And most worrying of all: do people always choose to pay attention to this feeling of apprehension? Does everyone even feel it, or do we subconsciously train ourselves to ignore it in this realistic, pessimistic outlook that not everything goes our way, that we, as humans, cannot amount to the “platonic conception” of ourselves? Or is that just being defeatist?

I can’t help feeling that there’s always something much bigger, much more significant and conclusive just out of reach, always just a little bit away, and that’s what we do, day after day after day: we chase it.